The dishes are piled up, the bills are overdue, and you’re stewing over a spat with your partner. Your phone’s pinging nonstop: texts, headlines, spam. You haven’t exercised in days, and you don’t know when you’ll next have time.
Many of us feel the weight of everyday overwhelm. But if we try to overhaul our lives all at once — relationships, finances, and spiritual outlook — we’re likely to end up feeling even more defeated and distant from the relief we’re seeking. Then we blame ourselves.
“When our results fall short of our expectations, the inner critic finds an opening and steps on stage,” writes behavior scientist BJ Fogg, PhD, in Tiny Habits: The Small Changes That Change Everything.
The problem isn’t our desire for change; it’s the scale of change we’re pursuing. Fogg’s book shows readers, step by step, how to get around that impasse and improve their lives by focusing on tiny changes.
“You could scold yourself down the path of change,” writes Fogg, who founded Stanford University’s Behavior Design Lab. “Or you could make your life easier. You could start tiny.”
Taking small, intentional actions reminds us that we still have some agency and control, an important antidote to overwhelm.
“It boosts your mental health. It boosts how you’re able to show up and provide for other people,” explains home-organizing expert Shira Gill, author of LifeStyled: Your Guide to a More Organized and Intentional Life.
The next time you feel bogged down, try one of these strategies. Each can remind you there is something positive you can do in the moment, no matter how helpless you might feel.
As Fogg notes, “Feeling successful offers an antidote to the go-big-or-go-home culture, and a new lens through which to see yourself.”
Declutter small spaces.
Clutter can make us anxious — and so can berating ourselves for not having the energy to clean our entire home. Small acts of tidying, meanwhile, can feel satisfying.
“Pick one room, put blinders on, and black out the rest of your home,” suggests Gill. “Within that room, tackle one microspace at a time so you can actually see the progress.”
If your entire living space feels like a disaster, she suggests focusing on one individual mess, like a stack of papers. “Tell yourself, I’m going to go through the papers. Then I’m going to set up a mail basket by our entry so we no longer have to see the piles overtaking our kitchen counter. That’s a little win that’s final,” she says.
Unclog your inbox.
Digital clutter can be as stressful as physical clutter, but parting with old emails can be uniquely difficult.
University of California, Los Angeles, clinical professor of psychiatry Emanuel Maidenberg, PhD, offers this behavior-change blueprint for support: Schedule a specific time for your digital declutter — and allocate about 15 minutes a day to the task. Start by deleting the oldest items in your inbox. Work toward the present. Notice your shoulders getting lighter as each old email disappears. That last part is important.
“Once you start experiencing relief, things become much easier,” says Maidenberg. This feeling will motivate you to keep going.
(Here are more tips and strategies to help you organize your desktop, laptop and mobile devices.)
Choose a “15-minute win.”
Pick a task you’re resisting: paying a bill, returning an email, cleaning the refrigerator. “These are things that feel overwhelming but take much less time than you think,” says Gill.
After choosing your target, apply the “15-minute win” formula: Silence your devices. Set a timer for 15 minutes. Then roll up your sleeves and get cracking.
Once you’ve recovered from the shock that your dreaded task required 15 minutes or less of your time, give yourself a little reward. This acts as a bargaining chip for your brain, as Gill puts it.
(Help overcome procrastination by learning more about Morita Therapy, a therapy that offers a philosophical, tough-love approach to undoing your own undoings.)
Give yourself a high-five.
Good feelings spur the release of dopamine, which reinforces positive behaviors. “What happens in your brain when you experience positive reinforcement isn’t magic — it’s neurochemical,” Fogg writes. “Feeling successful helps us wire in new habits, and it motivates us to do more.”
So, the next time you have a triumph, no matter how tiny, congratulate yourself. If happy dances are your thing, do one. Or say, loudly and with feeling: “Yes!” Or give yourself a high-five. Whatever form of self-celebration works for you is the right one.
Cultivate “pearl habits.”
Oysters create pearls in response to irritants; Fogg suggests humans try doing the same.
Consider this adaptation of one of his pearl habits exercises: Make a list of your top pet peeves — on-hold music, long lines, your neighbor’s leaf blower. Pick one. (Definitely the leaf blower.) Choose a positive action that can counterbalance your irritation.
For instance: Whenever I hear the leaf blower, I will put on my noise-canceling headphones and tidy up my desktop. When you complete the positive action, give yourself a mental high-five to reinforce the behavior. See if your irritation subsides. Either way, your desk will be cleaner.
Pause your purchasing.
For one month, avoid all unnecessary purchases. Verging on a splurge? Jot down how you feel. “This reflection can help identify the shopping triggers,” says Gill. These are often anxiety, loneliness, or boredom.
Sitting with the urge to buy an unnecessary thing can also help you pinpoint the deeper needs you’re trying to satisfy, she continues. “Then you can work on meeting them.”
To relieve boredom, you could get some exercise, connect with a friend, or switch up your focus.
Lace up your sneakers and head outside.
There’s a reason the “take a walk” cure never goes out of style. “If you have 20 minutes and you go for a walk, you’re likely to have a much better outcome than anything else that you can do during these 20 minutes,” says Maidenberg.
Slow your scroll.
Many of us turn to social media when stressful thoughts take hold, aiming for a little light entertainment. It may feel like a quick fix, but “it also has a tendency to be habit-forming,” says Maidenberg.
One way to avoid losing hours to distraction: Set a timer for 15 minutes every time you log on. There are no built-in off-ramps for most forms of social media; a reminder ding will add one.
Moderate your news intake.
You can stay informed about politics and culture without being inundated. Maidenberg suggests seeking out “one or two neutral and reliable sources of information” and checking in once or twice a day for 10 minutes or so. “Limiting the amount of time is key,” he says.
Like social media, news sites are designed to be addictive, so we often find ourselves reading for far longer than we intended, he adds. “It’s just impossible to get to the point of thinking that I know everything.” If this is the case for you, it may be helpful to set a timer here, too.
Remember, you’re not alone.
It’s easy to feel isolated in our stress, but we’re rarely the only ones who feel as we do. “We live in a world whose demands, crises, and economic pressures breed anxiety, stress, and a kind of low-grade panic,” says Buddhist meditation teacher Oren Jay Sofer, author of Your Heart Was Made for This: Contemplative Practices for Meeting a World in Crisis With Courage, Integrity, and Love.
“These feelings are often healthy, normal reactions to the kind of overstimulation and pressure so many of us face,” he adds. “Remembering that a lot of us are struggling right now, we feel less alone.”
Redirect your attention.
Next time you find yourself entangled in worries about the future, try taking stock of your physical surroundings. “This isn’t about avoiding our problems or pretending everything’s OK, but rather choosing where we place our attention,” Sofer explains.
He suggests this sensory exercise: “Focus your attention on three things you can see, then three things you can hear, then three things you can touch. With each one, notice the actual sensations themselves. Listen to the melody rather than thinking bird. Feel the texture of the fabric rather than thinking pants. Keep cycling through the three senses in a slow, steady way until you begin to feel more oriented to the present.”
He suggests that once you’ve regained a calm perspective, ask yourself what, if anything, you can do to address the root cause of your overwhelm.
(Here are additional practices you can implore to help get out of your head and into the present.)
“We’re wired to enjoy giving. Being generous, being kind, serving — these acts have the power to transform our hearts and brighten our world.”
Do something kind.
Buy coffee for the person behind you in line. Compliment a stranger’s coat. Donate to a good cause. Listen wholeheartedly to a friend who needs to talk. Any small act of kindness will do.
A 2023 analysis of data from an ongoing project at the Greater Good Science Center found that people who performed “micro-acts of joy” for seven consecutive days experienced a 26 percent increase in their emotional well-being. (For more on microacts of joy, visit “7 Strategies to Create a Happiness Habit.”)
“We’re wired to enjoy giving,” explains Sofer. “Being generous, being kind, serving — these acts have the power to transform our hearts and brighten our world.” Shifting our focus to others can pull us out of the tendency to focus solely on our own problems, he adds.
Snuggle your cat. (Or dog. Or guinea pig.)
Our furry friends are major mood boosters. Research has shown that interacting with animals decreases levels of cortisol, a stress hormone, and increases the feel-good hormone oxytocin. A special shout-out goes to the critters who get us outside. Dog walks can improve mood, support metabolism, and lead to neighborly chitchat.
Even caring for a goldfish can bolster well-being, according to a study published in the Journal of Pediatric Nursing. No wonder the National Institutes of Health has funded long-term, large-scale studies on the positive impact of pets on people’s health.
Place your hand on your heart.
Most babies like to be held when they’re upset. The same is true for adults, according to self-compassion expert Kristin Neff, PhD. “Our bodies respond to physical touch almost immediately,” she writes in Fierce Self-Compassion: How Women Can Harness Kindness to Speak Up, Claim Their Power, and Thrive. “Touch taps into the parasympathetic nervous system, which calms and centers us.”
Neff recommends placing your hand over your heart when you’re noticeably dysregulated. If that feels too awkward, experiment with a hand on your cheek. The point is to send your body a straightforward message of comfort without getting too caught up in your thoughts.
Keep a self-compassion journal.
Neff suggests jotting down difficult moments from your day in a notebook before bed. Stick to the facts, such as, “Someone cut me off in traffic. I snapped at him and felt bad.”
Look for the most humane interpretation of everyone’s behavior, including your own: “That wasn’t great, but I’m only human. Plus, I skipped lunch and was hangry.”
Finally, write yourself a few words of encouragement and some proactive steps you might take in the future. Perhaps: “I messed up, but I’ll try to do better next time. And I will remember to eat lunch.”
Treat yourself to the unexpected.
Beauty is a signal that life is not all toil and struggle, so try placing some loveliness where you least expect it — like flowers next to the kitchen sink, suggests Gill. “When you’re doing dishes, staring at something beautiful makes that kind of daunting task feel more approachable.”
Imagine yourself behind someone else’s steering wheel.
If you’re inclined to road rage, first try to have some compassion for yourself, advises Sofer. “Breathe. Recognize that getting angry is only agitating your own heart. Practice patience and letting go because it feels better in the long run than revving the engine of your nervous system.”
Then, he adds, try humanizing other drivers in your mind. “Maybe their parent or kid is in the hospital. Maybe they’re late to work and terrified they’ll lose their job. Try to have compassion for the state of mind that would lead someone to be inconsiderate or drive recklessly.”
Let go of a grudge.
Resentments drain our life energy. Letting them go helps us reclaim it. “We may have very good reasons for being angry and for the grudges we hold, but the inability to forgive hurts us,” writes happiness expert Christine Carter, PhD, in The Sweet Spot: How to Accomplish More by Doing Less.
“Forgiveness is not about denying wrongdoings; it’s about choosing positive emotions over negative ones.” Forgiveness also gets easier with practice, explains Carter. She suggests starting with small stuff. Write a letter of forgiveness to someone who has wronged you. (No need to send it unless you really want to.) Name the hurt and express how you wish things had gone differently. Then see if you can muster a little forgiveness, understanding, or empathy for the other person. Even a modest perspective shift can bring you more ease.
“Practice patience and letting go because it feels better in the long run than revving the engine of your nervous system.”
Say thank you.
People who feel grateful tend to be happier, more enthusiastic, and more resilient to stress, studies have shown. “Relative to many other positive emotions, we have reams of research indicating that gratitude is part of the happiness Holy Grail,” writes Carter.
A daily gratitude practice can be as simple as making a list of life’s little riches in your head before you fall asleep — the warmth of your blankets, the safety of your home. Or you might try a gratitude exchange with a friend: Each day, trade an email or text listing three things for which you feel thankful. The more specific, the better. A daily practice of recounting the good in your world may help you notice more of it.
Throw yourself a one-minute dance party.
A study published in 2024 in The BMJ found that dancing tops yoga, strength training, and other forms of exercise when it comes to easing symptoms of depression. (For more on the benefits of movement for mental health, see “7 Ways Movement Benefits Mental Health.”) So shut your laptop, put on your favorite song, and dance like no one is watching. (Your cat is, but she’s cool with it.)
Take a good old-fashioned recess.
Carter recommends deploying a time-tested elementary school practice: recess. After you’ve worked on a difficult task for 90 minutes, do something relaxing and rejuvenating or fun.
That may mean taking a quick nap, looking up recipes on Pinterest, or reading an article you’ve bookmarked. Carter’s only rule here is that it can’t be anything on a to-do list.
Slow down.
When life speeds up, try slowing down. Even a little. This alone can be a powerful act.
“We can learn to punctuate our day with small moments of presence, gratitude, and connection with life,” says Sofer. “When you rise, before a meal, when you leave your home, take a moment to attend to the mystery and uncertainty of being alive. Breathe. Feel your feet on the ground. Instead of trying to do anything, just receive the unlikely gift of being here on this planet.”
This article originally appeared as “Lighten Your Mood” in the May/June 2025 issue of Experience Life.
The post 22 Ways to Lighten Your Mood appeared first on Experience Life.
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