Anyone who’s ever shared space with me knows I have a trigger around official-looking mail.
Granted, few of us enjoy receiving communications from the government, our licensing board, our health insurer, or anyone connected to the legal system. But there’s a big difference between Ugh, I wonder what that’s about? and the pit of dread I feel in my gut, the anxiety that rises through my stomach, and the rapid elevation of my heart rate that — even with all my therapy tricks — can take a good 20 minutes to settle down.
What’s worse, until the offending envelope has been ripped open and the contents addressed and completely resolved, I cannot for the life of me concentrate on anything else.
Which is why, now that I work from home, my colleague in the office knows never to text me a photo of my mail without first checking that it’s an OK time.
Many of us have hot buttons, soapboxes, pet peeves, and other things that seem to bother us more than they bother others. But a true trigger response is an intense involuntary bodily reaction that occurs in response to a cue. That cue may be big and obvious, such as a car backfiring, but more often it’s relatively innocuous — a sidelong glance from a colleague or the smell of a particular cologne.
Even as it’s happening, part of us might be aware that what we’re feeling is much stronger than is warranted, yet our nervous system seems to have a mind (or rather a memory) all its own.
Trigger responses show up in the gut, solar plexus, chest, throat, shoulders, and even in our hands. We might hear a ringing in the ears, feel a buzzing in the top of the head, a sensation that we’re about to pass out or throw up. And, for those who don’t dissociate or otherwise go offline, the resulting emotions can run the gamut of fear, panic, humiliation, rage, powerlessness, and devastating disappointment.
The specific cues that trigger us are unique to our own story; they pull on past experiences — usually from childhood — that somehow look like, sound like, or feel like whatever’s happening now. (We’re most vulnerable and least able to protect or remove ourselves from threats when we’re small, which is why childhood experiences lodge most deeply in our nervous systems.)
While we often don’t consciously know what the experience is — if we did, it wouldn’t be so triggering — chances are strong that it’s connected to one of the following common themes:
- Fearing we’re in trouble.
- Feeling exposed, criticized, or that our intentions have been misunderstood.
- Believing we’ve been abandoned, rejected, or taken for a fool.
- Feeling overlooked, unseen, insignificant, or that we don’t matter.
- Feeling physically threatened.
Taking Responsibility for Our Triggers
Despite how it feels, we don’t have to be completely hijacked by our emotional triggers. Although there are good ways to care for ourselves once we’re activated (more on this later), the most helpful approach is to take responsibility for triggers before they happen. These proactive strategies can help you do that.
1) Make a list of trigger cues.
What unique cues cause you to feel triggered? While nobody likes getting exam results, being overcharged at a restaurant, receiving unsolicited “coaching” on the tennis court, or watching security ransack their bag at the airport, not everybody has a bodily response to these experiences. What sensations do you feel? Which of the five themes might be at play?
2) Get curious.
Commit to paying attention the next time you feel cued; this will shift you out of reaction mode and into observation mode. Notice what happens in your body: Is the trigger already on your list, or is it something you hadn’t considered?
3) Make a plan for next time.
When are you likely to encounter your triggering situation again? Do you have a trip coming up, a mammogram due, some unpaid taxes, or a court date? What do you need to do to support yourself? Who do you need to have alongside you?
Remember that a trigger response is never an excuse for disrespectful or antirelational behavior, so do what you need to do to protect yourself and those who might be in your line of fire.
4) Ask for what you need.
Contrary to popular belief, repeatedly exposing yourself to the same trigger without doing anything differently is not going to desensitize you — it’s only going to retraumatize you. So, use your words. Telling the nurse that you are likely to faint and need to lie down is not only empowering for you but helpful for them, too. If you get the willies when the immigration officer inquires about where you’ve been, have your travel companion hand over the passports and answer the questions instead.
5) Hold yourself in compassion.
Instead of beating yourself up (or blaming the person who unwittingly cued your trigger response), remind yourself that for some reason, your nervous system thinks you’re in danger. Why might that be? What story from your childhood might be fueling your response? Whatever happened, it was distressing enough that it’s still in your nervous system now — and that deserves compassion.
Too Late — I’m Already Triggered!
If you fully intended to deal with your triggers and then life got in the way, don’t panic. There are still some things you can do in the moment to help soothe your body and bring you back into the present.
1) Try the thymus thump.
The late John Diamond, MD, author of Your Body Doesn’t Lie, used the thymus thump to help settle the body and relieve symptoms of panic or shock. With one hand in a soft fist, thump on the center of the sternum: Thump, thump, thump, pause; thump, thump, thump, pause. It may take a minute or two to feel the effects. Keep going and allow yourself to return to your body.
2) Give yourself a butterfly hug.
The butterfly hug is a technique that comes out of EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) therapy, a well-established treatment for trauma and PTSD. Hold your hands out in front of you, palms facing you. Cross them over and link your thumbs together. Rest your hands on your chest and tap each hand alternately to help regulate your nervous system.
3) Call yourself back.
While doing your butterfly hug, whisper your full name age, and a description of what’s happening. The process can call you back to the present from whatever past event your body is remembering.
- I am [full name]. I am [X years old]. And I am really triggered right now.
- I am [full name]. I am [X years old]. And this trigger is at a score of [0 out of 10].
- I am [full name]. I am [X years old]. And I’m feeling this in my [heart/stomach/throat].
- I am [full name]. I am [X years old]. And this [thing/situation] has really done a number on me.
- I am [full name]. I am [X years old]. And I don’t know why this feels so huge but it really, really does.
- I am [full name]. I am [X years old]. And even though it feels so huge, I will probably survive.
4) Start your list.
After you’ve practiced the butterfly hug, thymus thump, or another technique to calm yourself, get out your notebook and start writing. If you hadn’t yet begun your list of triggers, now is the time, while the information is fresh in your mind. Make a note of the specific cues, how your body reacted, how big it was on a 0–10 scale, and which of the common themes are implicated. That way, you’ll be better prepared next time it happens.
Unhooking Your Trigger
There may be times when taming your triggers is too much to take on by yourself. When this happens, consider seeking support from a mental health practitioner who offers EMDR.
One particular approach, called the Float Back Technique, can be especially useful for “unhooking” your trigger.
The method requires getting in touch with the body sensations you feel when the trigger is happening, and then using those sensations to guide you back to times in your life when you’ve also felt them.
A good trauma therapist can facilitate this process for you. It can help you find the root of your trigger and, more importantly, recatalog it in its original time and place. Once the process is complete, you may no longer feel the charge associated with the trigger cues, significantly reducing the reactivity you feel in the here and now.
Renewal
For more inspiration and strategies to overcome life’s challenges, please visit our Renewal department.
The post How to Manage a Trigger Response appeared first on Experience Life.
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